Weigh-in, postponed

Just wanted to drop in and say that I have changed my weigh in to Wednesday to coincide with a Biggest Loser challenge I'm participating in. I have had so much anxiety about not losing enough weight (I've lost 20 pounds in six weeks...so it's irrational...but still!) that I am not going to weigh twice. I'm using my Wii Fit, but I'm only doing the body test once a week as well. I have to trust in working out and eating right to see results.

See you next Wednesday...or sooner if something strikes me.

Weigh In, Week Seven

Last week, I weighed 232.3. Today, I weighed 228.0...

But, lest you think I had a phenomenal week...I changed methods of weighing in. We bought a Wii and Wii Fit. Part of the daily body testing is weight. So I decided that it was pointless to weigh myself twice. That, and well...my other scale (digital) seems unable to move this week and I don't know how to put in new batteries to see if the ones in it are dying or if my weight is just super-stable this last week.

I've committed to putting in 30 minutes of cardio on the Wii Fit six days a week, plus three days of strength exercises with 15 minutes above and beyond the cardio, and three days of balance exercises above and beyond.

Ultimately, I am seeing a difference in the way my clothes fit. I have a dress in my closet that I am close to fitting into that will be my Easter dress. I just have to stay on target to get there. Today, I'm battling my own stupidity of allowing ice cream into the house. I have not crumbled, but still...what was I thinking????

Weigh In, Week Six

So...I'm done with my fifth week, and I'm a day late weighing in...

But forgive me...I did weigh...and it's GOOD!

Drumroll, please!

232.3

Yes! That's right. I am down 6.9 pounds since last week and 13.9 pounds total, leaving me 97.3 pounds to lose.

Oh, and I'll be back to post more. We have moved into the new millenium by purchasing a Wii and Wii Fit. And I promise there will be great news to share!

How'd you do this week?

IMHO, or "Nobody really asked me"

Being the research freak that I am, I have read about almost every "popular" diet that is out there. I also was a pre-nursing student back in the day and took a good nutrition class. So while I'm not an expert, I do have a pretty good idea how our bodies work and what it needs to be healthy.

My problem is all the fad diets out there. I read too many blogs and accounts from people who are on this plan and that plan, but I wonder...how many of these specialized diets can be maintained for life? We all know that losing weight is pretty easy, especially compared to the monumental task of KEEPING IT OFF.

I found myself in a quandary about this very subject. I know someone who has completely cut out carbs, except two small servings a day. They have lost weight with this plan, even without exercise. But can they eat like this for the rest of their lives and maintain their weight loss and good health? I question this because I know that the body requires some carbohydrates for the brain to function optimally. In fact, the biggest downfall of a diet low in carbs is in the morning. A high-protein breakfast WILL stick with you longer, meaning less likelihood to snack mid-morning on doughnuts or whatever, but without carbs, many people feel groggy and sluggish. This is because the brain needs some carbs to wake up.

And what about diets that require someone to eat lots of a certain group of foods that they dislike? If I don't like a food, I will only be able to force myself to eat it for so long before I'm going to cheat. I may reach goal, but I will not be able to maintain it.

All weight loss comes down to ONE SIMPLE EQUATION:

calories in < calories burned

You can achieve this by eating less than your body needs to maintain weight. You can do it by burning more calories than you eat. Or you can do it with a combination of both.

BUT, and this is my big contention--the healthiest thing overall (excepting of course those with a medical condition keeping them from being able to) is eat less AND exercise more. You shouldn't be cutting out whole food groups to do this, unless your entire diet has been from the drive thru. Everyone needs vegetables, fruit, lean meats, whole grains, very small amounts of fat (yes, your body NEEDS fat--but not tons of it!), and even smaller amounts of sweets (meaning processed sugary foods--not needed as far as I can tell).

To be a truly healthy person for a lifetime, you must eat balanced meals including ALL the food groups in appropriate serving sizes. You must also maintain a physically active lifestyle (again, precluding those with medical conditions that keep them from physical activity). Get up, get out, get moving.

So, I'll get off the soapbox, but I'm so worried when I hear friends tell me that they're doing this diet or that one when I know that at best, they will likely yo-yo their weight because the likelihood that they can maintain that eating pattern for life is so slim. How do I know??? Because I did this already once. And even then, I didn't cut out whole food groups. But I viewed my eating as being temporary. I could survive without ice cream because "once I get to my goal weight, I can eat it again."

And you know what? I did. And I got pregnant and I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, candy and whatever else my cravings told me I wanted. And I undid seven months of weight loss and six months of maintaining and PUT ON EVEN MORE WEIGHT.

But, here's the thing. I'm back at it again. And I know that there are those out there who supported me last time, but are hesitant this time for just this reason. But this is my last time. I will never again have the need to put on weight. My whole family is changing how they eat as I change how I cook. And I'm learning how to create meals that are flavorful, enjoyable, and healthy. I am learning how to combine whole foods at home to create wonderfully exciting meals that my family can eat for the rest of our lives. And I'm increasing my physical activity level slowly but surely so that I can keep up with the kids now, and encourage them to be physically active for life.

Well, that's it. What do you think?

Update, Week Five

237.1

There it is. I'm down almost two pounds since last week which marked my monthly bloat. I am actually quite happy with this minor loss because we spent the long weekend on vacation/furniture buying trip in Portland, OR. We ate out at every meal although I was conscious about calories and food choices almost everywhere we went. I did have whatever I wanted on Valentine's Day for dinner, but didn't overeat.

Overall, I've lost over 9 pounds in one month. Everywhere you turn, healthy weight loss is listed at 8-10 pounds per month. I suppose that means I'm on the right track.

On a different note, I've been suffering with knee pain all weekend. This was my reason for losing weight in 2006, the hope of avoiding knee problems (and back problems) from carrying around all this excess weight. I injured my left knee several years back at work, and it is definitely resisting my current weight. For now, this is limiting my physical activity level, but I refuse to let this defeat me. I will put on a swimsuit and pay to go to the Y and swim three times a week if it comes to that. I am going to lose this weight.

That's it for now...how are you doing?

Weigh In, Week Four

Here it is.... (drumroll please)...


239.1


While I should be rejoicing because I lost three pounds since last Monday, part of me is sad. See, I weigh every other day because it helps take some of the power out of the scale for me. Otherwise, I begin to doubt that my efforts are paying off and I fear the truth of what it says on the other hand.


And...two days ago, the scale read 237.9 which was very exciting. And I have been faithful to my diet. I'm that way. Once I put my heart into it, I will not cheat. If I cheat chocolate, I will list it and fit the calories into my daily allowance. But I won't do that often. I am very focused once I get going which is exactly why this small movement in the upwards direction unsettles me so much.


But I am woman...and I know that this likely is only a signal of my cycle...and not a signal that I have cheated my diet. Or it could be that I'm not eating enough calories for my activity level and I have reached a mini-plateau (highly unlikely this early in the game, but I won't write it off just yet).


But I will keep plugging away...eating the right foods--4-5 servings of vegetables, 2-3 servings of fruits, 3 sevings of proteins (one from a non-animal source), and several servings of starches--all in whole grain form. I am watching my caloric intake, my fat intake, and avoiding empty calorie foods. This is the way I will eat for the rest of my life. That's not to say that I won't ever again eat ice cream or cake. I will. But I won't eat them everyday or every week. Perhaps not even every month.


Instead of a chocolate bar, I eat sugar-free, fat-free Jello pudding cups. When I'm craving potato chips or french fries (a craving for salt for me), I pour a cup of V-8 juice (which is relatively high in sodium, but cuts the craving for me). When I'm craving popcorn, I pop a mini-bag (100 calories, fat free) instead of the big bag of movie theater butter flavored popcorn.


And I walk. They know me by first name at the mall (almost) because I'm up there 2-3 days each week walking laps before the stores open. I had been using the elliptical, but I've been experiencing some knee pain (no doubt from all the extra weight I'm carrying around), so I am staying off of it for a while. I hope to get into some sort of water resistance program at the Y and start a core ball routine soon also, things which will increase my lean muscle mass while remaining gentle on my knees. I'm confident that my knees are just crying out because of the extra weight and stress I've put upon them and will be much better once I'm down 25 pounds or so.

And I will be successful.


Do you fear the scale? Are you struggling with a diet journal? Have you considered that this is not how you eat for 3 weeks, or 6 months, but for the rest of your life?

It's been said that doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result is insanity. I believe it's true when it comes to dieting.

Now, I have to be honest...although I've spent far more of my adult years overweight, I have not tried every fad diet out there. I have lost a significant amount of weight twice before: 60+ pounds in 1999, and 65+ pounds in 2006.

Obviously, I am here dieting for a reason. I slipped off the good habits and put the weight back on. I like to pat myself on the back that both times I kept the weight off until I got pregnant with baby #3 and baby #4 respectively, each just over a year after losing the weight.

*giggles*

I must look very good when I'm skinny!

Okay, now seriously, that was not the point. The point was that I hit some trouble spots maintaining my weight loss. The first time, the problem was that I never learned anything about nutrition and cooking healthly balanced meals at all. I took phentermine, which is an appetite suppressant. I lost 15 pounds a month, but I hardly ate. I worked out 2-3 hours a day while my two little ones napped. Not exactly what you could call a replicable situation for very long.

The second time, I learned more about nutrition and accountability. I learned about how to eat out without going crazy in high fat, high sugar, low nutrition foods. I learned that this "whole food" and this "whole food" are good while highly processed foods are bad. But there always remained this disconnect for me in how I ate. It felt like I was always piecing together snacks to create a "meal". When I achieved my goal weight, I just couldn't and didn't see myself eating like that for a lifetime. And...surprise, surprise...I didn't and I put every ounce and pound (plus a few extras I found along the way) back on.

I've chosen the alli diet plan to help me lose weight. I am having more knee pain than I would like, and I know that my weight is to blame. But I keep plugging along with the change in my diet, the increase of physical activity knowing that there is only one way to make my health, my joints, my lifestyle better--stick with it...for life.

And this is where it is SO different for me this time. As I began this change, I identified it as being a permanent state. This is my last diet. I will maintain because I know what fat looks like, I know how it feels emotionally and physically, and because I also know what healthy looks like and feels. I CHOOSE healthy. I WANT healthy. I CONTROL the choices that will lead me back to good health and keep me there.

And knowing these things, I really hit a wall last week. I felt once again that I was piecing snacks together to create odd, disjointed meals. And I started to panic. I kept eating that way because I want to fit in my skinny jeans sooooo sooooo badly, but I knew that I needed to learn how to make real meals for my whole family that were healthy.

I didn't grow up in a household where I was taught to cook much. And when I started to cook as an adult, we had a limited budget and ate the cheaper highly processed foods. I never learned how to cook healthy meals. And I longed for the ability to learn to cook healthy meals for my whole family. I mean, I think there should be a required high school or college class for this because it seems so foreign to me.

I hear so many women tell of cooking for their whole family and then making a separate meal for themselves. This seems a little unnecessary and unreal to me. First of all, I lack the time and energy to cook two meals each evening. Second, if I have been modeling poor eating habits for my children, I need to teach them new ones as I learn them too. It is essential for my children to look at food in healthy realistic ways.

Enter a conversation with my 7-year-old son about having to eat what I cook. Sigh. I explained it to him in boy terms. Inside our bodies, there are all those organs. They work together to keep us alive and healthy. It's like our engine. I asked him to reason taking his dad's car to the mechanic for an oil change and having dirty old oil put into it. He knew that was silly, but he didn't realize that eating high sugar foods, greasy high-fat foods was exactly the same thing for his body. And then I had to be real with him. I told him that he didn't want to be fat when he grows up. (He loved the attention I got when I lost all the weight several years ago...he's an attention-getter...) I asked him if he wanted me to be able to play outside with them again. I asked him if he wants to play with his kids like that someday. He answered with a resounding, "YES." So I reasoned with him that he also had to change how he eats now. Before he blows up his internal car engine.

So while longing for a way to learn to cook for the whole family true healthy "meals", I stumbled upon a great cookbook. I hate to appear to be endorsing a product, because that is not my intent. But, if you are feeling inadequate when it comes to preparing a healthy meal for your whole family, I just have to suggest you check out this book: Biggest Loser Family Cookbook. Unlike the earlier cookbook, almost all of the recipes are in family of four format, not individual servings. The meals are very yummy, and they are budget friendly too. I feel like I have found the cooking class I was looking for!

My next weigh-in is coming up, and I'm not dreading it. I can't "weight" to see how much I've lost...

A thought from my other blog

Part of my decision to lose weight involves seeking out the root cause of my food choices. Why do I choose unhealthy foods and unhealthy eating habits? What is within me that keeps me from making those simple and good decisions, even when I know what they are and the positive effect it has on me--my moods, my physical fitness, and health?

Part of this process has included reading "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge (John is the author of "Wild At Heart"). It is captivating read, although some of it has really forced me to look at my past and what caused me to form the opinions I have of myself. It has been painful. From an absent--physically and emotionally--father, to family who belittled me for my weight, to other broken girls who labeled me unfairly, to...oh, the list could go on and on.

But here is what I have identified:

I have believed for a long time that I was a mistake and that I ruined my parents' lives.

I was too much for most people--as a child too bright and outgoing, as an adult too emotional and insightful. So I hid from people. I hide from myself.

Eating is indirectly comforting for me. I eat for taste. If it tastes good, it brings me pleasure in a life where I have learned to avoid luxuries like pleasure and joy and happiness. When I eat and put on weight, people are less likely to seek me out or invite me to do things with them. By avoiding interactions with others, I am avoiding the risk of allowing them to hurt me. You can't hit me if you can't reach me. And my weight--my fat--is a distance between you and me. This is even true in the most wonderful human relationship I have ever been a part of--my marriage. On some level, I believe that by being overweight I will be less desirable to my husband, so he won't pursue me.

The irony? Our relationship is the most fully intimate relationship I could imagine. Even cooking for each other is an act of intimacy, doing laundry. We hold nothing back from each other which is healthy. But for someone who is so afraid of being: "too much, not good enough, a mistake, a burden, an obstacle to be overcome, a bag to drag along for lack of another option, last pick, unworthy, lacking value", this healthy intimacy is somewhat overwhelming. It goes against everything within me--the wounds, the scars, the fat that I carry to insulate myself from potential pain.

Why do we overeat? Because we do not love ourselves. We do not see our intrinsic value. We cannot believe that there is good within us. It may be something overwhelmingly obvious to us. Or, in my case, it may take some digging down deep to really pull these "lie/truths" from within our souls to the surface, and then it make take years of discarding of them to find healing. I call them lie/truths because those statements are not truths about us really, but there impact is real and affects us more than we want to believe.

But the hope we can find is that there is someone who knows the whole truth and loves us. He knows that we are beautiful, no matter how much we weigh, who told us otherwise, who battered us, who raped us, who used us, who neglected us. And He is deeply and madly in love with us. He is more in love with me today at 239 than He was yesterday at 242.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love." --Jeremiah 31.3

And you know what? He walks with me and He talks with me. And He tells me I am His own. Here is His love song to me today. He has one for you too.

One step back...two steps forward

One of the hardest parts about making a change is that most of us like our lives and our routines. When you're talking about poor eating habits and physical inactivity, this is so true! It's so much easier to make the same high fat, high carb, low nutritional density foods that we've been eating for years than to learn new ways to cook and prepare food.

Last week I encountered a setback. Who am I kidding? I am my setback. My beloved husband celebrated his birthday on Wednesday. He's the kind of man who would do without for himself to make me and the kids happy. So when he requested ribeye steak and Costco buttercream frosting cake for his birthday dinner...well, I couldn't find it in my heart to say no.

I couldn't find it in my heart to not make it, or to not eat it. The mistake is that I chose to eat those foods although I had setup my kitchen to have lots of low fat, healthy alternatives within arm's reach. I chose to eat another piece of cake, and another. (I did not lose all control...I have only had TWO pieces of that cake...I have been able to say no since then.)

So I am here to report my weekly weigh-in:

(sad trumpet fanfare)

242.2

(sigh)

I suppose it isn't as bad as it could have been. Our weekend involved having lots of foods that weren't good choices, and I did make the right choices most of the weekend. In fact, in light of that knowledge, I am quite glad that my weight didn't rebound anymore than it did.

*****
Two steps forward. I am starting the alli plan today. I had resolved to do this a while ago, but then it just didn't fall into our budget. This payday, we could afford to buy it, plus I found out that if you go to their website and participate in a survey, you can receive a printable coupon for alli--a whopping $10 off the purchase of a 60-ct. or 90-ct. starter package.

Now, I am not suggesting that everyone go out and purchase/use alli(orlistat). The reality that I've learned about diet/lifestyle changes is that different strokes are for different folks. If planning a menu that is lowfat and healthy while also calorie controlled is something that works for you, alli might be something to consider. The nutrition component of alli is very similar in design to Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss, or any other food exchange system.

So what makes this different?

Alli(orlistat) works in the digestive tract to keep some of the fat you consume from being absorbed by the body. This is significant because fat carries 9 kcals/gram, compared to 4 kcals/gram for protein and carbohydrates. It's also helpful because most proteins are animal-derived which means that they include fat, and many carbs are processed with animal-derived products including fat.

The nutrition program varies in kcals based on your starting height/weight, but here is what I know: even if you followed only the nutrition program without the alli pill, you would lose weight! That's why they can claim that you can lose 50% more weight using alli than with diet/nutrition alone.

What does that mean for me? I know that by following the nutrition plan and increasing my physical activity level gradually, I can lose 8-10 pounds a month. I know this because I did it before, back in 2006. With alli, I should be able to do the same thing but with the help of the pill, increase the loss to 12-15 pounds a month.

This is really important for me for two reasons:

1. I am experiencing a lot of weight related issues- joint pain, back pain, snoring-that can only be resolved through weight loss.

2. I am a goal-oriented person and will quit if I don't feel like I'm getting results.

So, here is where I'm at...

This week, I'm going to keep eating the way I have been--low calorie, low fat--and add alli to my daily intake. I am also going to maintain/morph my activity schedule to make sure I get three days of "planned" physical activity--walking, elliptical, whatever it takes--which may be difficult as our family schedule is changing again to accomodate a change in my husband's work schedule.

But watch and see: next week I will see a weight loss, and I will be successful with the activity changes.

How about you?

Weigh In, Week Three

So here it is....

(drumroll, please)

240.5

(small round of applause--can't you hear it?)

I dropped almost six pounds this week! Yay, me! I am running around like a crazy person again today, but wanted to check in and stay accountable. Still active and making good choices although I know next weekend is going to be tough...more on that later...

And you, how are you doing?

Update and the plan

Well, I promised a weigh-in on Monday, but after walking at the mall for an hour and then going grocery shopping, I forgot to get online and post my weigh in. But don't worry...I did weigh in.

(drum roll please)

246.3

(gasp)

It's horrible, I know. But it's in the past now. Each day I've managed to get active--even if it was just running around town picking up donated items for the silent auction at my daughter's middle school. I figure getting the baby in and out of the car twelve times in a day, plus walking to and from the car to pick up the items has to count as some sort of workout.

And I have changed how I eat. I have cut out almost all processed foods from my diet. My breakfast consists of puffed kamut, soymilk, fruit, a cup of coffee, and a cheese stick (mozzarella, because being part-skim makes it lower fat). I have a light snack mid-morning, a sensible lunch, another light snack in the afternoon, and a sensible dinner. My goal is to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day, and to get at least 30-60 minutes of physical exercise each day.

And I'm doing it. I'm choosing low-fat, nutrient dense foods, lots of fresh fruits and veggies, and I know that those clothes in the closet downstairs are going to fit again. It may be a long road, and one that I will keep walking for the rest of my life, but I will get there.

Tools...everyone always wants to know what diet you're doing. Me? I'm doing the Food Pyramid. The USDA has a neat little tool called the MyPyramid Tracker. I am really liking it. It's relatively simple to use, and the best part: IT'S FREE! It's basically just a well-rounded diet, not requiring you to add something odd to your diet or drop whole food groups. It's not trendy. It isn't cool. But it works. And there isn't something amazingly beautiful about being able to say that you've lost (and kept off) lots of weight without surgery or prescription drugs. I know, I was there for a while.

So that's it. As I workout more, I have to drink more water; my body craves it. I also am able to sleep better (although my back problem remains due to weight, no doubt). We plan to buy a new bed and mattress with our tax return money though. (grins from ear to ear)

I'll check back in on Monday with an updated weight. And a different thought about obesity and weight loss for the believer.

Resiliency and weight loss

Back when I was taking college classes, I took this really cool intro to Sociology class. Of all the things that I remember from college, I remember my teacher telling us that resiliency (the ability to change and transition easily) was a greater indicator of a person's potential for success than any other factor--social, economic, emotional.

I believe that in weight loss, resiliency is the greatest factor to potential success. Obviously, change is required to choose and adopt habits that lead to healthier eating and more physical activity for a lifetime. Beyond the initial change, however, there is the ability to keep weight off. During our lives, things change. Children are born, parents age, jobs change, households change dramatically, the economy blooms or depresses. All of these things may force us to adapt how we eat and act.

I am writing about this because I had this glorious plan. Payday was supposed to hold certain things. And it did. But our spending didn't pan out the way I had hoped it would. I had planned to purchase alli to assist with my dieting plans, in addition to some sweatpants, and good walking shoes.

I got good walking shoes. But I am not going to be able to buy alli right now. And I'm not going to be able to buy the sweatpants either. Now, don't tell me...you can work out without new sweatpants and you can change your diet without alli. I know both of these things. But my plan was destroyed today.

Resiliency tells me to find a new plan. My old plan says give up.

Fortunately, I am highly resilient. After spending about an hour online, I have found a way to make diet modifications that will be helpful without the added expense of alli. In addition, I will continue to go walking, regardless of whether or not I get the new pants to boost my spirits while I establish a new habit. I will be successful, but only after finding a new plan and adjusting my attitude to accept life as what it is...changing and unpredictable.

Tomorrow I go grocery shopping and do my first official weigh-in. Here's to change for a lifetime!

Update: Week Two

Just a quick check in. Exercise appears to be a very magic ingredient to my lifestyle change. On Monday, I went to the local mall and walked six laps (3 miles) in one hour. I was pretty impressed with myself considering how inactive I've been for so long and how heavy I am that I was able to do it. Last night, I slept better than I have in months! I didn't even wake up to use the bathroom!

Also, exercise like requires drinking lots of water. And I can't chug down coffee after working out, so that took care of that problem too. I also found a not so unhealthy smoothie (soy based with no added sugar, made with whole fruits) that I can splurge on that makes me feel like I've had something sweet and special. I get the small. I haven't figured out the calories, and while I figure it to be about 200 calories, I use it in place of a mid-morning snack and eat a very light lunch afterward.

My goal is to make it to the mall everyday this week and walk for an hour, approx. 3 miles. I am going before hours which greatly reduces the temptations of fatty, sugary foods or spending on stuff that I don't need. Our local mall opens its doors at 7am to allow people like myself to come and walk in a climate controlled environment. I was genuinely surprised to see that there were about 40 other people in the mall at the same time as me before hours today to walk.

Here's to reaching my goals this week and getting a day closer to the full-on diet alteration and lifestyle change. I schedule a complete physical to make sure I'm okay to go ahead, and I plan to carry this through.

If I can do it, you can too!

2 Hard 2 B: Week 2 Goals

So the goal is simple: shed the weight I've put on over the last 18 months and return to a healthy, active lifestyle. By doing this, I will achieve several things:


1. I will feel better about myself--emotionally and physically.


2. I will eliminate physical problems that I've developed (hopefully).

3. I will have a wardrobe of clothes that I am not embarassed to wear (or be seen in).

Last week, my goal was to cut back on my very high caffeine intake. I had been drinking a pot (or more) of coffee each day. Each cup was full of Splenda (2 packs/mug) plus 2 Tbsp of vanilla coffee creamer. Let's not do the math and leave it at this: too much caffeine, too much artificial sweetener, and lots of hidden empty calories.

Because I have been having trouble with my sleep patterns, I know that cutting back dramatically on my coffee intake is a must. I was successful on cutting back on my coffee intake although I still drink more than what I had set as a quota. However, I did cut my coffee and caffeine intake by more than 50%. The second part of my goal was to increase my water intake. I did this although I still fell dramatically short of my goal of 8-10 cups/day. I have average 3-4 cups/day which is a definite move in the right direction. The third part of my caffeine and water goal was to cut my diet soda intake back to one 12-ounce can of diet soda/day. I wasn't as successful in this as I had hoped. I don't know what exactly led me to drink the second can 4 out of 6 days, but it happened.

So I am still working on these goals. I know that I'm making steps in the right direction so I'm not going to beat myself up over what I didn't achieve. Instead, I am going to pride myself on being successful with what I've already done and encourage myself to keep plugging along. This is a lifelong journey and there will be speed bumps and potholes along the way.

But I have to keep moving on also. And so the next step is exercise. Weight loss is not a magic equation, elusive or expensive. It's like a bank account. To lose, you must use more than you put in. There are several ways to do that. You can cut back on your caloric intake (eating) without increasing your physical activity. You can continue to eat the same way and increase your physical activity level. Or you can do both. Ideally, to lose weight, look great, and maintain the loss for a lifetime, you must find a balance of fewer calories in and more calories expended.

So my goal this week is to increase my physical activity level. The recommended amount of physical activity for healthy adults vary dramatically depending on the source. But what I know for weight loss is this: I have to eat 3500 fewer calories to lose a pound, or burn 3500 more calories to lose that same pound. Or you can do a combination of the two.

Once I get completely underway with my weight loss, my goal is to lose 1.5-2 pounds per week. To do that, I will need to eat 500 calories each day in deficit and burn an extra 500 calories each day through physical exercise. Fortunately, I am home with my baby most days and can easily schedule time for working out. Unfortunately, I am home alone with my baby most days and can easily find a way to do something else instead. Sigh.

But I will not be defeated. To encourage myself in my goal, I am actually going to get out to do my exercise, at least until the weather improves and I can go for walks through the neighborhood. It's not that I don't have the equipment to workout here, but I know that I won't do it. In time, as I am losing weight and seeing results, I will be able to jump on the elliptical. In fact, I know that I will get to a point where I will actually crave the physical activity.

So the plan is to get out and walk for 30-60 minutes three times this week. I have plans to meet a friend and walk on Wednesday which means I have little room to really mess this up. That said, I have messed up much simpler goals. I plan to head to the mall and walk with the baby tomorrow morning after I get the older kids off to school, and I plan to do the same Thursday morning. In addition, if I'm feeling really gutsy, I may jump on the elliptical and start building my endurance back up.

I also hope that by the end of the week, this increase in physical activity will also help with my sleeping issue enough that I can plan to get up 30 minutes earlier each day to do Winsor Pilates each morning. I don't like to "promote" a specific product particularly, but I really enjoyed the Winsor Pilates program when I did it three times a week several years ago.

More specifically, the basic introductory program that they send you--the 20 Minute Circle Workout--is mainly designed to target your core muscles, although it gives attention to your arms and legs also. Like the name implies, it is a brief 20 minutes in length, ideal for a quick morning workout (in case like me, you are morning-challenged!). I believe that this kind of workout is especially helpful at the beginning of a lifestyle change because it does two things:

1. It's quick and easy to do regularly and at home.

2. You will get results that are noticeable if you do it faithfully.

And who doesn't want to notice a difference in their midsection pretty quickly when they start a weight loss program? Even men want to see their love handles disappear!

So these are my goals for the week:

1. Continue to work on cutting back my caffeine intake via coffee and diet soda.

2. Continue to increase my daily water intake.

3. Add regular physical activity into my schedule--for this week, 30-60 minutes walking, three times this week.

What's your goal?

Too Many Excuses...to be fat...

So my goal for the week was pretty simple. Cut back my out of control coffee consumption and diet soda consumption while increasing my water intake. Should have been so simple to do.

And yet this week has been very atypical. My three school-aged children who should have been at school all day all week have only had one day of school this week due to weather concerns. And I haven't been sleeping well. We walk a finely balanced timeline around here because DH works graveyard shift, we have children attending school, and we have an infant. This week, my schedule is completely out of whack due to the school closures and I'm beat. I'm fighting a cold. I soooo tired.

So I drank more coffee yesterday and took a two hour morning nap with the baby. Then later in the day I craved my soda. I had two cans. I had two cans the night before also. So I did great on Tuesday morning, drinking less coffee but destroyed the day by drinking two sodas before bed. And yesterday I blew completely out of the water by having coffee in the afternoon and two sodas.

Here is what I know about excuses--they don't achieve anything. Excuses are the walls we build between ourselves and our goals, versus circumstances which are mountains that exist between us and our goals. What's the difference? Mountains were created by something other than ourselves. They can be climbed, defeated, and crossed. Walls are our own creation. They are far too difficult to climb over without lots of extra gear, and I can't walk through them (perhaps you can?). The more excuses we make, I equate with adding grease to the side of the wall. It makes it even more difficult to overcome that wall.

But the amazing thing about excuses/walls is that since we create them, we have the control to NOT build them. Excuses represent a choice we can make.

Perhaps this sounds preachy. That wasn't the intent really. No, the point was to remind myself of these things. See, I know that above I listed out "excuses" for why I failed to make the choices that would make me successful. I made the choice drink more coffee than I should have. I had a choice. I made a bad one. No excuse. I was weak and messed up.

I can choose to continue making bad choices because I've already messed up. But that makes the wall taller. Instead, I am going to choose to turn off the coffeepot and pour out the rest of the coffee (oh, I did start brewing only a small part of the pot each day because I know that if it's there I will drink it). I am going to fill a cup with ice and water. And I'm going to feel better because of it.

Why?

Because I will know I was successful today.

Because I will have less caffeine in my system to keep me from sleeping well tonight.

Because my body will begin to clean out the toxins by flushing it with water.

How are you doing? Check in!

My first goal

I have read and read and read articles about lasting weight loss. I've read and read and read some more about fad diets. And I've successfully lost 60 pounds on two occasions before (once in 1999, and again in 2006) only to end up one year later, obese and in the same cycle of self-loathing and overeating coupled with inactivity. This time, I have vowed to myself that it has to be different. This weight loss has to be permanent.

But what I've read over and over is to make small goals and to meet them before making tons of huge goals and "failing" because you couldn't master all of them at once. So for now, I am setting a small goal that I believe that I can be successful at.

Goal #1: Reduce caffeine intake by 1/2.

How will I do this? Well, let me fess up. I am a heavy coffee drinker, and I end my day with lots of diet soda. On an average day, I will consume 10-12 cups (6-oz. size) of coffee, followed later by 2-3 cans of diet soda. According to the chart I found at Overcaffeinated.org, this makes my daily intake from liquids alone as following:

Brewed coffee
66 ounces/day * 16.876 mg/ounce = 1113.816 mg/day

Diet Pepsi
30 ounces/day * 3 mg/ounce = 90 mg/day

For a whopping grand total each day of: 1203.816 mg/day of caffeine!

My goal is to consume only 3 cups (6-oz. size) of coffee each day, only one diet soda each day, and to increase my water intake this week. If successful, my new caffeine intake would be only 339.768 mg/day. That would be a decrease of almost 72%.

Perhaps you are wondering why I want to cut back on caffeine consumption. Many people increase their caffeine consumption when dieting because they believe that it gives them an energy boost, especially in the early stages of a diet when exercise is hard to commit to.

I took a nutrition class back in college, and I know that any so-called benefits of caffeine are greatly reduced by the side effects of caffeine. Here's a short bit of info I found about weight loss and caffeine at the Mayoclinic.com website:

Caffeine may act as an appetite suppressant. However, while studies have
shown that some people eat less after consuming caffeine, this effect is brief — not long enough to lead to significant weight loss.

Caffeine may increase your body's ability to burn calories. Caffeine is
thought to stimulate thermogenesis — one way your body generates heat and energy from digesting food. However, caffeine's role in thermogenesis probably isn't enough to result in significant weight loss.

Caffeine acts as a diuretic, which means it causes an increase in the
amount of urine you excrete. This water loss may temporarily decrease your body weight.

It's important to keep in mind that caffeine is a stimulant that can
increase your heart rate and blood pressure, interrupt your sleep, and cause nervousness and irritability. Also, many caffeinated beverages are high in calories, which can contribute to unwanted weight gain.

For me, caffeine replaces my intake of water which is vital during the early phases of a diet modification for washing toxins out of the body. Water acts as an eraser---one of those super high quality ones that completely removes evidence of past mistakes from your paper--and also helps make you feel fuller. And if you know that part of a lifetime-friendly diet is smaller portions, you know that feeling fuller without calories is so, so, so important.

Perhaps though, you find drinking tons of water, well...boring. I know I do! I am programmed to the taste of coffee or Diet Pepsi. A total and complete switch to water is almost impossible for me. So what alternative is there? Herbal teas!

Herbal teas are naturally caffeine-free (watch before you buy a fancy fruity blended tea as it may be mixed with black or green teas and have caffeine in it--but...the caffeine content in a 6-oz. cup of black tea is only 36-40 mg!). For me, supplementing my water intake which is limited at best with herbal tea is a great way to help me be successful.

And you know what? Besides the stimulant effects of caffeine (which may intensify hunger and lead to uncontrolled snacking), I am eliminating coffee creamer which is heavy in fat and sugar! According to my current bottle of creamer, it has 35 cals/tbsp. I use 2-3 tbsp per 20 ounces of coffee consumed for a total of almost 400 calories each day that I never think about! (By the way, I should mention here that I am going to cut back on my creamer habit in the aforementioned coffee allowance too...they just go hand in hand.)

And the diet soda...there are huge benefits to cutting it way back too! A study has found that consumption of large quantities of artificial sweeteners (whether it's Splenda/sucralose, Equal/maltodextrin, Nutrasweet/aspartame, or SweetNLow/saccharin) is linked to overeating!

In the recent Purdue studies, researchers gave rats two different liquids
for ten days. One group received sweet liquids that contained real sugar,
so the relationship between taste and calories was consistent. The
other group received sweet liquids that contained the artificial sweetener
saccharin, so the relationship between the sweet taste and the actual calories was inconsistent. After ten days, researchers allowed the animals to eat a sweet chocolate snack. The rats that were given the drinks sweetened with saccharin were less able to tell how many calories were in the snack, and at mealtime ate 3 times as much as the rats given the drinks sweetened with real sugar.

So...here is to making small changes successfully!

1. Decrease coffee consumption to no more than 3 6-oz. cups/day.
2. Decrease diet sode consumption to no more than one can (12-oz.)/day.
3. Increase water intake and herbal tea intake to at least 8-10 8-oz. servings/day.

First Things First

Welcome. I don't know how you made it to my humble blog, but you are welcome here.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Ceci. I am 32 years old, the mother of four (with two wonderful steppies). I am divorced and happily remarried. I was raised by a single mom and have had very little relationship time with my biological father. I had no stepfather. I am a Christian and was raised in the Church. I am a daughter, a stay at home mother, a wife, a friend, a mentor. I am fat.

I have to be honest with you because I've learned too many times that if I lie to you and to myself, nothing changes. Deception, especially of the "self" kind leads to a slippery slope. And that slope, my friend, is what led me to where I am now--overweight, in denial, and knowing that I have to make some drastic changes.

So perhaps you're asking where is "here"? Here is the heaviest weight I've ever been at (even though eighteen months ago I was at my smallest size as an adult!). Here is a place where I can't sleep soundly. Here is a place where after a half hour of walking, my hips ache for days. Here is a place where I have migraines more and more often than ever before. Here is a place where I have given up pretending this is just baby weight and it will magically go away without much effort. Here is a place where I have to sit on the floor to put on shoes with shoelaces and to tie them because I don't "fold" in half easily anymore. Here is a place where I look in the mirror and want to cry but know that I did this to me.

So what's next? Next is the ongoing journey from here to "there". Ultimately, there is a place where I have a healthy BMI and body fat composition. But having done this thing before, I realize that there are a number of places on the way to there. I know that weight loss isn't overnight. It's not magical. It's not just popping a pill. It's a massive and complete overhaul that takes lots and lots of time--a lifetime--and that's where I've failed before. I got to this magical number and over time, after reaching that place, I stopped doing what it took me to get together. It's alot like climbing up a mountain, getting to the edge of the peak and letting go. It can only equal one thing--sliding downhill again (or in my case, getting bigger numbers on the scale).

So...now for the part that I don't want to talk about...measurements.
Height: 5' 1"
Weight: 245
BMI: 46.3 ("Obese")

My ultimate goal:
Weight: 135
BMI: 25.5 ("Overweight") **Note: see later discussion about the fallacies of the BMI scale.**

I hope that my journey is inspirational for you. If you, like me, are in a place where things just aren't right anymore, start today to make changes.